👖Who wears the pants? 👖
My friend, let’s call her Ladybird*** posted a status saying “I think many times men/guys do not know what to do with a successful woman. I’m talking about woman who are more ambitious than they are, woman that makes things happen, a woman doesn’t ask for money and is able to do more for herself without assistance of any kind. Men seemingly just don’t know how to respond to a woman that has more to offer periodt🥂”. We then started conversing and sharing our views on this topic. Firstly, I will start with her statement from our conversation to give her view. Then state the question that was asked to the gents and their views on the topic which is to follow. Please kindly leave a comment of your views on the topic and hopefully I can publish a part 2 or more series on this hot topic 🔥🔥🔥 Thanks friends.
Ladybird: I realized with my person, I scare him off the minute I start talking about “getting this and that and he’s like “damn, this girl always has something to do and it just doesn’t stop”. The first time, he got his car because I got my car. He told this to me.
Then I realized he generally feels like he can’t do more as a man. And I said this has literally nothing to do with you, all I do and what I’m meant to do is for me. What happens when you decide to leave me? I don’t want to feel like I compromised myself. It’s so important for women to afford themselves, whatever it is. To live their best life and never to regret. We don’t do things for men and we don’t do things to scare men off. We do things for ourselves and to fulfill our own dreams and to never settle. The biggest thing for me is to realise I never took care of me. I don’t mind that you left me after 20 years but the question I’ll keep asking myself is “girl were you faithful to you?, did you study, did you get that thing you dreamt of? did you earn those big bucks?If I didn’t because I was too afraid to beat my man. That’ll lead me to depression. I’ll feel like I wasted all this time for this person who left me in the end when I could’ve bettered myself, could’ve been slaying, smiling and living my best life and making memories.So yes he does feel like I just out perform him… But I love him regardless, I don’t do stuff to make him feel any less but to inspire him 😢But what I’m not going to do is to shrink myself.
I then asked a few gents the following question and their responses are as follows.Question: How would you feel if your woman earned more money than you?
What would you do.. Etc. Hit me
Thamsanqa***: Oh I’m going to be objective hey. I believe that the times we live in make a man accept this and well apparently as long as he is not emasculated then he will be cool with it. So basically yes I’m cool with it as long as she remembers who wears the pants.Harvey: Well we live in a society that makes it sound like as a man you need to be the provider and if that role is taken from you, you are a lesser man. The disparity in salary has always set a balance in a couple. With the one earning more being on top. I feel like this is not an issue when as a couple we share our problems and our money. If my wife earns more than me, our family should be more at ease because there is more money coming in. It shouldn’t be a matter of a power play. A lot of couple fail because of the ego of both partners. So no it’s not a problem for me as long as we treat each other as equals.Lizza: Thanks Harvey. I hear you’re talking about marriage. But what if it’s at the relationship phase and your woman is perhaps “sha ing it down your face, whether on purpose or not, that she’s earning more than you”? …Harvey: Same thing. We are equals. If you want to flaunt that you are superior to me because of money then it already sets a precedent and I know how you’d react when/if we get married🤷🏾♂Lizza: So, would you leave her before it “worsens during marriage”?Harvey: We’d talk about it first but it is a red flag. I don’t mind her earning more than me. Hell I’d welcome it(sugar baby vibe😂) but whenever one’s side try to be over the other one using money, a situation, a degree or whatever other reason, it spells trouble for the futureLizza: Deep 🔥thank you so much for your responses🙌🏾Harvey: Anytime 😌
Ali: I personally don’t have a problem with that, as long as it doesn’t get to her head and start thinking that she’s the head of the house and starts disrespecting me…I really don’t have a problem, as for me and my family, I will lead. End of story. Whether you earn more or not. I lead. Lizza: Thank you for your response. Ok let’s twist it up a bit😅. What if it does get to her head, then what?Ali: If we’re married, sho…that’s a difficult one. I’d probably give her space to feed her ego without me, and once she’s gotten her senses back, she can come back. And I doubt that will ever happen because I would have spoken to her about these kind of dynamics before even putting a ring on it.Lizza: Noted. Thank you. Absolutely true. Before committing to even marriage, certain topics are to be spoken of well before time.Josh: Its not about money. Its about respecting each other in the relationship. If one considers money as a way of not taking the other spouse seriously then its a danger.
Anonymous: I think it really depends on how much more in my view. But extreme case, yes I’d feel as if I need to make a plan to get to her level. All I will say is that, the conversation between husband and wife needs to be had where views are clearly laid out. I’d feel like I would want to make sure the difference isn’t substantially different where we can collectively can’t live fine on me alone. On her alone obviously would be better because she’d have more. I would feel like I’d need to bridge the gap in income between me and her. Not necessarily earn more.Anonymous2: Obviously it’s gonna be a tough pill to swallow, I’m not gonna lie. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I’m cool with it. Women power yeah yeah yeah yeah. Obviously it’s gonna first rub me wrong and bug me the wrong way. I’m not gonna hit but obviously conflicts will arise if she starts rubbing it in my face. If for every argument or for every misunderstanding she reminds me “but I’m earning more than you” or she’s always rubbing it in my face and is always all about it. If we’re all civil, regardless of the fact she earns more than me, she can still show me that respect as the man of the house and still look at me with that high regard and not look down on me or lessen my value simply because of the paycheck, the paper. If I had to be in a relationship like that, if the respect is there, if nothing ever changes then I’m good. But if she’s gonna act otherwise and constantly remind me I’m a step behind. But hitting her nahh, well I can say that now because I’m not close, but you know how women be when they really disrespecting you. I don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe in the heat of the moment, I don’t know, but from far I wouldn’t resort to violence yeahLizza: Thank you so much for your responses. So my question now is… Say for example she doesn’t purposely rub it in your face, so yall spoke about this issue cool. And she said she’ll buy herself a car and maybe you fine coz you thought she was gonna buy a cheap 2nd hand car and here she comes with a Mercedes /Mustang or Rolce Royce and you’re out there with your what what what. I mean she works right, she got a car so how do you think you’ll react to that? Will you be ok with it? Will you speak to her and be like “yoh baby can I drive your car sometimes? / can you lower your standards?”
Or maybe she wants a holiday and she can pay for the both of you? I mean, she is your wife, she is your help so would you agree with that or would it be something that’s too much for you?Anonymous2: My view on marriage is that it’s a partnership.
It’s a 50/50. If she feels she wanna pay for a particular holiday, if she wanna buy a lavish car for herself geeeesh I don’t know how I’ll react I’m not gonna lie to you. But remember my main issue is as long as she’s not rubbing it in, as long as it’s all love and we good then I’m ok. As long as she’s not always reminding me every time we argue that I ain’t earning as much as her. I can also flex with her car you know on the days she ain’t driving. My view on marriage is a partnership and if you feel you finna take care of me, I’m good I’m down.Lizza: Ok you talking about marriage ayt. If say it were a relationship. Not marriage yet…
Do your views change?Anonymous2: If I’m made fun of then yeah it’ll change slightly I guess 😪😢Lizza: Thank you for your responses
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading😅. Here’s my opinion to drop too, before I close. I wouldn’t want my man to be belittled by my success. Whether I earn more than him or not. Of course before entering a marriage partnership, such core topics should be spoken of between then fiancés. Because I am my husband’s help, we are to work together with what we each bring to the table. Seasons change and circumstances do arise and if it’s the season where my income will benefit the family, we are both to understand that, whilst still loving and respecting each other. In a scenario where I am more successful than my boyfriend, can he just calm down and not try bring me down by his insecurities. If me making myself happy and taking care of myself, and doing what I can do for me, and not “begging or running to him for every little thing” is upsetting him. Then, clearly he’s the one with the issues. So in answering my question to who wears the pants, I’ll say, the washing line does😂♥️.
’til next time…Love,Lizza Tshowa 🌹
Mar 17, 2020 @ 7:45 am
Beautiful. This is explained so well and i think that every woman can relate. As much as we grow and become independent, we are still expected to aspire to submissiveness. It’s a battle woman all over the world face everyday.
Mar 17, 2020 @ 11:07 am
Hey Chanel Lee. Thank you for your response. I believe that the man is the head of the house and family and the woman as his help. I’m Christian and I believe there is a reason God set it like that. The man leads (whether he has money or not or we earn more than him or not) with love and we as the lady submits. That word submit does not mean bow down and allow yourself to be trampled on, but it means to Honour him, and his duty would be to love me as his wife still, despite circumstances. Whether he can financially provide at that moment in time or not.
Unfortunately the society we live in have twisted the word submit and many use it as a way to gain power (which is usually through violence).
It is vital that we speak with our partners before committing to a life time entity such as marriage✨
Mar 21, 2020 @ 8:46 am
Wow this is a deep topic. I personally think that I should respect and honor my husband regardless of my earnings. He is still the head of the family no matter what the circumstances are. And if I am to buy an expensive car while he is driving his…I will talk to him about it and see how he feels about it, and if that will make him feel less of man…we can work around measures of buying two new cars that both suit us🤷🏽♀️…all I am trynna say is that, I’d not want to put my husband in a situation where he feels inferior to me and that whatever everyone brings to the table is FOR US (no longer my money or his money)…before making a decision I will sit down with him and talk to him and we both gonna decide what to do with OUR money.
👖Who wears the pants? (Part II)👖 – Poems&Collectives_by_Tshowa
Mar 26, 2020 @ 5:31 pm
[…] from the previous post. Part I can be found at the following link in case you may have missed it.https://poemsandcollectives.wordpress.com/2020/03/16/who-wears-the-pants/?preview=trueOur Part II responses seem to come more from the ladies this time around, and I have ended this part […]
Mar 27, 2020 @ 6:02 am
What a wow!
That was so deeeeeeeeep. Thank you, I learnt a lot actually😊.