👖Who wears the pants? (Part II)👖

Continuing from the previous post. Part I can be found at the following link in case you may have missed it.
https://poemsandcollectives.wordpress.com/2020/03/16/who-wears-the-pants/?preview=true

Our Part II responses seem to come more from the ladies this time around, and I have ended this part 2 series with a gent’s views on the topic. Happy reading 🌹

Chanel Lee: Beautiful. This is explained so well and I think that every woman can relate. As much as we grow and become independent, we are still expected to aspire to submissiveness. It’s a battle women all over the world face everyday.

Lizza: Hey Chanel Lee. Thank you for your response. I believe that the man is the head of the house and family and the woman as his help. I’m Christian and I believe there is a reason God set it like that. The man leads (whether he has money or not or we earn more than him or not) with love and we as the lady submits. That word submit does not mean bow down and allow yourself to be trampled on, but it means to Honour him, and his duty would be to love me as his wife still, despite circumstances. Whether he can financially provide at that moment in time or not.
Unfortunately the society we live in has twisted the word submit and many use it as a way to gain power (which is usually through violence), and this is utterly wrong! It is vital that we speak with our partners before committing to a life time entity such as marriage✨

Amelia: Heyy Lizza🤗thanks alot for sharing! I really enjoyed reading this and seeing different people’s opinions😅 I feel like sometimes its okay to buy yourself stuff, and be financially independent and be proud of that cause you worked hard to get to that. That should not make any man feel inferior at all, cause the true value of
a woman doesn’t come from her possessions or her money and besides when y’all get married you become one either way, so you wont even feel it if the woman does’nt bring it up then its not a problem.. but anyways I wont bother that rn. If she earns more than you it doesn’t make a man less of a man, you’re still the head and the leader but I can’t look for a job that pays less just to make my husband feel more of a man. Lol. But either way the guy knew who he was marrying and he knew she was earning more so either way you knew what you were getting yourself into, plus you know her character. For me it’s okay to earn more, it doesn’t change anything. Well, as long as she doesnt bring it up when arguments come up, cause it would mean the woman initially had a problem with it but never spoke about it🤷🏽‍♀️if it wasn’t bothering her it wouldn’t even be a thought during arguments. It’s all jumbled up but I hope it makes sense lol.

Lizza: Hey Amelia. Thanks so much for this response. I completely get what you’re saying because if you knew the person you were dating why’s it a problem now when you’re married? If you’re my boyfriend why should I limit myself just to make you not feel less of a man? You know these are important questions and I think that’s why we need to have topics like that whilst dating (courting). A part of me wishes I had a talk show 😂😂😂 because yeah I think I just love the spice especially with hot topics.

Amelia: Yes yess exactly! 😂😂One day you will have your own talk show!😁 Hahah I know right. It’s a red flag for me if the guy can’t marry a woman who earns more. Like if you already earn more and that’s bothering him, and aay you get promotions and stuff at work, how will he handle that?😂😂the guy lowkey an enemy of progress, it’s like he wants you to be successful but not more than him 😅🤦🏽‍♀️It’s very interesting to read different people’s views. I really liked this one and I CANNOT WAIT for part 2!

Lizza: 😹A whooooleee enemy of progress thank you!! Thanks so much for the positivity Amelia.



Nelmari: I must log in to WordPress to comment 😏😏 so much admin I’d rather do it here. Well written piece. I like the different perspective people gave with regards to the topic. As for me personally I think I wouldn’t want my man to earn significantly less than me. Money really does change a person’s character. And I don’t want that to happen and influence my relationship. If he’s a hardworking person, then it’s fine. I am very traditional though. The sense that I feel that a man should be the main provider (financially) in the relationship (marriage context) and that for me is earning more than I do.

Lizza: I completely agree with you. For me the man is the head of the family. That’s that. With or without money. My main concern is that we are not certain about tomorrow. And if tomorrow does come, and situations arise and he is unable to provide due to unforeseen circumstances, I am his help. That’s my role. Yes I do admit it may be straining if it may be long term but we not only made a vow to each other but to God as well. And with or without money, I am to submit to my husband. That word does not mean bow down and allow yourself to be trampled on, but it means to Honour him and his duty would be to love me still, despite circumstances. Whether he can financially provide at that moment in time or not. You feel me?

Nelmari: I totally feel you and agree with you. I do think that the man is the main provider. He should be the main provider of the family which means he’s got most of the financial duty. Whether I’m working a proper job or I’m doing part time work. I think he should provide financially as the main guy. There are circumstances especially, I’m talking about from a Christian perspective where I know women are providing because their husbands are unable to get jobs etc but that for me should only be seasonal and the man looks like he’s laid back and not doing anything, I think then it becomes a problem when he’s just ok with the wife providing financially for the family and bearing all that weight. I mean she’s a mother, she has to cook, she has to clean she has to look after kids and now she has to go out and work. That’s just too much. If at least the man is helping out in some way during that season where he’s not employed then yeah that works. I think it’ll cause a lot of issues for me personally, like a lot of conflict in a relationship if my husband is not working. I think he should be bearing most of the financial weight.

Lizza: Exactly!!! I wouldn’t want a lazy man oh no no no 🙅🏽‍♀️ I really like the holistic view on seasonal. He can help during that season like preparing the kids for school etc.

Berthier: Hey 😆,
If it’s the line that has the pants 👖 who sets the path for the family? I’ve read all the answers from the guys and one thing is common : Respect. They all need it. Having a girlfriend/wife who earns more is a challenging situation but if she respects me I think I can live with her. She’ll have to consult me for major decisions such as buying a mustang and if she constantly helps boost my confidence that will be great since that isn’t a good spot as a man

Lizza: Lol my joke was on the pun. If you read my answer again, I said my husband’s help. So indeed he is the head of the family. There’s a reason why that’s biblical even. If you feel me. Now as for the mustang, what if that’s her dream car. Why limit her?

Berthier: I won’t limit her, I’d appreciate her if we discussed that before it’s done.  It might not be a discussion but I’d like to know prior to the purchase. I’d feel disrespected if she just shows up in such a car

Lizza: Ok. But as a girlfriend or as your wife? Which scenario is this?

Berthier: Wife I guess, a girlfriend can do whatever she wants 😂 🙈

Lizza: 🤣There I agree. Definitely marriage scenario is different. Ok. Say she’s your girl. She buys herself this fancy car. And now, would you go ahead with proposing to her? (knowing how you feel about her earning more). What would you do?

Berthier: I won’t continue because she doesn’t have consideration for me. I would like to be an active part of my partner’s life and that starts from the bf/gf stage.

Lizza: Yoh🤣💔 How? Without conversing beforehand? How does she not have consideration for you? Please explain

Berthier: From the time we agree that we’re dating, we share everything including life projects

Lizza: Thank you. I appreciate your responses. First this answer makes sense. I think I’m going to speak from an objective view. You know how not every relationship that you’re in works out, you wouldn’t want to give your life projects to every single person that you meet or that you’re dating right? Because we don’t know how their hearts are, we don’t know what the enemy would use you get what I’m saying? That’s why I think from my side it’s more of you know the person, say you’re in a serious relationship, that’s more different than someone you just met now. But now going back to where you said a girlfriend can do whatever she wants, then doesn’t that like contradict itself, or is it that you just want her to give you the heads up? Like ‘oh babes I’m gonna get a mustang’ or would you prefer her to say ‘I’m gonna get a mustang please come with me, let’s go mustang shopping for example’.. Does that make sense? I think the main issue the ladies are saying is that we don’t want to feel like someone is limiting us and we don’t wanna look back in our lives.. “woaah I literally gave up my dreams for this guy”. And sometimes this guy might not be there forever, how’d we fulfill our dreams but not making you guys feel like you’re being belittled, and that’s not the case, we’re just focusing on ourselves for example, you understand what I’m saying? So yeah please help me by answering that...

Berthier: I was saying that for not so serious relationship, letting me know is enough and I don’t think I’ll be courageous enough to accompany her. The safer way to fulfill your dreams would be to date after it’s done ✅ 😂 that way you won’t have to justify yourself

Lizza: I see. You won’t be courageous 🙈
So date him after what’s done? Buying the car? This is indeed a tough topic.
But I believe prayer and supplication will suffice 🙏🏾to pray for our spouse’s hearts and for the Lord to give a heart of understanding, love, respect, joy and to help us not to look at materialistic things as the ultimate standard of a relationship

Berthier: Amen 🙏🏽

Lizza: Thanks for your responses. Truly appreciate them🙏🏾

Thank you to all the participants who gave their opinions on this topic (I couldn’t add all the responses but I truly appreciate your activeness). It has been a fantastic experience especially concerning such an immense topic. Going forward, it is beneficial to speak with our partners and see where they stand and if we have the same goals, views about certain aspects and outcomes in life. To conclude from part 1 and 2, the men desire respect and the ladies desire someone not to bring them down but to support them and their dreams. Finding mutual ground is essential for a happy, healthy and long lasting relationship.

Until next time…

Love,
Lizza Tshowa 🌹